My Crazy Testimony

I didn't grow up "in the church," so churchy terminology feels strange and archaic to me. For the longest time, I honestly didn't know I had a testimony.

So, for those, like me, who didn't know, this is the definition of testimony according to Google:

tes·ti·mo·ny


/ˈtestəˌmōnē/


noun

noun: testimony; plural noun: testimonies

•a formal written or spoken statement, especially one given in a court of law.

•evidence or proof provided by the existence or appearance of something.

•a public recounting of a religious conversion or experience.

What's interesting is the Bible and Torah has ideas that formed the backbone of many legal systems around the world. One of these ideas is the testimony. If you were pulled as a witness in a court of law and questioned as to the existence or the character of God, what would you say?

When I was 11, just about to turn 12, my aunt's boyfriend (who was Muslim) told me that Islam has something called "the age of accountability." Basically, this is the age people are old enough to be held accountable for their own actions. I may not have grown up in the church, but I grew up with very religious/spiritual parents, and I was very determined to be perfect for God.

I could envision a forest, each tree a person. In order to be noticed by God (whom I'd already fallen in love with), I needed to be the tallest one, and I figured the way to stand out for God was to be sinless. So, I'd been reading the Bible (understanding it in my limited way as a child), and in the old testament there are a heck of a lot of rules, laws, and ordinances. It was overwhelming for me at the time.

One night, I lie in bed and prayed to God. I needed something simpler I could remember, so no matter what I faced in life, I'd know I was doing the right thing.

Now, I was 11, remember, so I still believed in a magical God, in which many adults have probably lost faith. So, I expected to be answered, but not directly of course. Perhaps, He would communicate by way of a TV program or a song that would hit the right message.

I was hoping for a paragraph or something I could memorize. Surely, it would take at least a page to summarize the Bible's laws.

In the dark of my bedroom, I heard a single solitary word:

Love.

It was like a thought, but it also felt separate from me.

So, of course, I immediately started arguing with it. No way that was it. That was too easy to remember, too simplistic, idealistic, rainbow, unicorns ...

My mother once told me if I ever heard anything pertaining to God, to check the Bible before absorbing the message. If anything conflicted with what was said in the Bible, it wasn't of God. So, I turned on the light and went to my bookshelf. Picking up my Bible, I flipped randomly through. It fell open to a page in the new testament - Matthew 22:36-40:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

I can't even explain how dumbfounded I was that night. I still argued with the word "love" for the rest of the night, tossing the idea to and fro in my mind until I fell asleep.

I have since realized this event was too coincidental to be anything but God answering my prayer, and nothing has conflicted with the idea that "love" summarizes all of God's laws. In fact, Love is the meaning of life, and as the Bible will also say, God is Love.

This is one of the reasons behind this blog. No one but God can be perfect, but we will always be loved. We are also called to love.

That moment has shaped the rest of my life, and I hope my testimony will shape yours.

Juice Fast Part 1

This is the first of two posts I will write about my juice fast experience.

I thought I would share a few things I learned during my juice fast a few months back. This is not to brag or show my works in the world, but it was originally done to glorify God and create a clean devout spirit in which to hear God's voice in my life (ya know, not necessarily literally ;)). It was a movement started by my church, and not everyone in the church was called to do it. They simply asked for everyone who could and who had the calling to fast in some way. It could be a fast of electronics, facebook, certain foods, certain activities, etc. This was not connected in any way to the Catholic day of a different name. Some, like me, felt called to do a food fast of sorts.

Easier than a water fast (which is a fast of all foods and drinks except water) is the juice fast. At least this way, I would be getting some nutrients from the juice and not completely starving myself for days. It was still scary to not eat whole foods. Actually, the experience was scarier than I imagined. Now, hear me out. This is still an experience I wish every healthy-bodied spiritual-minded person would undertake at some point in their life. It is very moving and definitely brings you in communion with God. Even if only to beg him for time to pass so you can go back to eating. Just kidding! Well, not completely...

I learned (again) that I have a highly sensitive reaction to my blood sugar levels. Everyone does in some way, and no, I am not diabetic. I might be hypoglycemic. Probably, this was a horrible idea to juice fast, but I did not know that ahead of time or I would have talked with a nutritionist on how to do this safer. Case in point: Several times I had panic attacks sometime in the afternoon/evening to the point of sweating and beating heart. I quickly realized that blood sugar has a fine line to balance. A little fruit juice with nothing else on my stomach, and my sugar levels would skyrocket causing panic attacks and dizziness. Only vegetable juice for hours, and my sugar levels would drop causing panic attacks and dizziness. Yeah, it was a pain.

The surprising fact is that cravings for food mostly go away after the first couple days of a juice fast. That's about when real hunger kicks in. See, I have thought all my life that this grumbly stomach and ache I get in my gut was hunger. Nope. That is just the tip of the iceburg. That is just my body saying hey I sure would like something. It is a polite request. After a couple days, my body was starting to get a little upset with me for denying it a chewing, real food experience. Real hunger is experienced in the throat and mouth. It is a watering, yearning need but honestly a bit of a weaker feeling than cravings. It was still difficult to concentrate on anything but needing food. Check out this link on feelings of real hunger if you do not believe me:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joel-fuhrman-md/redefining-hunger_b_789980.html

I did not go past three days. I slowly reintroduced myself to real foods starting with the same vegetables and fruits I had been drinking, just in whole food form. Then, after a couple days of that, I reintroduced some meat and dairy products. Please, if you do this kind of thing, whether it is a water, juice, or any other type of food fast, talk to your doctor about it first if you are unsure of your health. Also, find out the best way to prepare and even come back off of the fast. If you do too much too quickly, you could actually die from shock.

What did I learn from my experience besides it is hard to fast (which you should know anyway)? I learned how to lean on God when I am in pain and turmoil. Yes, I was not really dying, but I really felt like it sometimes, especially when I had panic attacks. As this was a spiritual fast, I made sure to focus on God and pray several times a day, continually really. I did yoga (only yoga because I did not want to overexercise when I was depriving my body of the energy it would need for more). During yoga, I prayed and prayed, bringing my concerns about the process and life in general to God. Also, it is important to note that I tried to keep my mind open to God speaking back to me. It was not all about what I had to say. It was more about what God had to say. So, I kept a journal about things that I learned during that time and messages that seemed to repeat themselves over and over while I fasted, which I will share with you shortly in my next post.

It was an amazing, scary, and most importantly HUMBLING experience. I feel closer to God because of it.

Have a blessed day.