Marriage Part II: Let's Talk About...

In my first blog about marriage and how it reflects the Trinity, it didn't really capture the multi-layered relationship that exists between couples. Ideally, marriage isn't just a symbol, and it isn't a two-dimensional, stale institution devoid of emotion. If it is for you, your relationship doesn't exactly live up to its potential as created by God. Let's return to the idea that God created an equal companion to man. He'd been busy creating and then declaring his creations good repeatedly until this moment. Suddenly, after creating man he broke this pattern and stated it "wasn't good that man should be alone." It wasn't until He created a female counterpart that He said his creation of humanity was good.

Of course, us women are amazing.

However, it wasn't just because of our general awesomeness that He declared humanity good and complete. It was because, now, man had a friend, a helper, a lover, and a person whose strengths matched his weaknesses. If you focus on the "help-meet" part, you miss the point. Animals can be excellent helpers in many ways for riding long distances, carrying heavy things, and even delivering messages (carrier pigeons are pretty cool). Yet, despite their ability to snuggle, they would never carry the same mental and emotional support another person would. Enter: women. We're all about that mental and emotional support... generally speaking.

Passion: It isn't always sexual. It's part of the drive for connection between a couple. It can come out in many ways through various emotions. Marriage can be like a rollercoaster; love, passion, and trust are what forms the safety bars and belts to keep us inside the ride.

We can't speak on passion without mentioning the Song of Solomon, the book of the Bible most likely to make you blush. We won't go into all the breasts like towers or gazelle necks (I'm sure it sounds more poetic in the original language). Song of Solomon has been interpreted to signify everything from romance to politics to the relationship between God and Israel. If you read it as a layperson, however, you'll agree it seems like a simple love song, meant to be sung as a duet. When you were a teen, did you ever write about a crush in your diary or journal? Bet it sounded like this.

"Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love." Song of Solomon 2:5

Gotta love the spirit of young love in this book, but it illustrates perfectly the passion and joy a married couple is meant to experience.

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste." Song of Solomon 2:3

After all, God created both pious love and romance, friendship and lovers. There's nothing scandalous in it.

"Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth - for your love is more delightful than wine." Song of Solomon 1:2

That's probably because, in my opinion, wine tastes disgusting, but the point is that the two are drunk off their love for each other. The point is: marriage is about all of this. Of course, there's a point in life when we are all just a little older and a little less likely to scamper for each other's embrace.

"Listen! My beloved! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills." Song of Solomon 2:8

We shouldn't lose that joy for each other even in mature love. Our marriage may be less showy leaves and overhanging branches and more deep-reaching roots, like two trees that tangle one to the another until they are in essence one.

Yes, romance and lust are holy. I know this concept may push against all things you've been taught, at least by the world. In fact, in the past, religion, especially Christianity, became crossed with worldly confusion to the point passion and sex were considered a taboo topic, even within matrimony. It still is an uncomfortable subject for many. This is why I'm writing this today. They are but a reflection of the passion and joy that lies within the unity of the Trinity.

Here's a good place to discuss actual sexual immorality. I'm not going to describe what that encompasses for the sake of propriety (You can look that up easily in the Bible). However, I will state that immorality and sin are actions that cause harm, even if you can't see it immediately. Sexual immorality is mainly harmful to the soul.

There is confusion concerning a separation between body and soul. That, actually, is a Greek philosophy, not a God idea, despite the fact that some churches have adopted the concept. Either the body was typically seen as the evil that the soul was fighting against or the body's actions was seen as separate and, therefore, not affecting the soul. Both of those ideas are wrong.

As described by the Bible, there exists no duality in our being. We are a being of clay infused with God's breath and spirit. When Jesus was resurrected, they didn't find His body and then come across His soul in the street. His body was gone from the grave. Then, Jesus showed back up WITH His body when the disciples ran into Him later. This makes the idea of coming back to life even wilder. You see what you get, guys.

When you commit sexual immorality, you are committing it with your soul, your entire being. Likewise, when it says to treat your body as a temple for the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), that's because treating your body well is also treating your soul well. Consider this: If you and your spouse "become one" (Mark 10:8) and you sin, aren't you also sinning against your spouse? Interesting.

Aside from immorality, passion and romance is holy and an act of unity between two souls in love. It is what God intended for us to experience in marriage.

I wrote a poem while back that I'll share with you today because it wraps this subject up well. Whether you take it to mean romantic passion or holy fervor is up to you. (Disclaimer: I write poetry for fun not perfection.)

**

I, your flame

I burn
I burn, a kindled fire
Out of control
Flames lick my arms
Travel up my legs
Escape from the top of my head
Like a torch, lighting up the dark night
This dark night
Our grim life
Yet I burn
and You, a wind, fuel my inner flame
You, a hurricane, sweep my inferno into the skies
The stars dim in the passion
I am utterly without shame now
You are my storm
I am your blaze
Caught up in the fury of your joy

**

Marriage Part I: Beyond Mankind

Marriage is a concept as ancient as time itself, but it's been riding a rollercoaster of interpretation throughout humanity's existence. Whether the institution has been used for prosperity, security, business-like partnership, procreation, romantic love, societal expectation, companionship, convenience, status, or alliance, it's only ever meant one thing to God. Do you know what that would be?

If you say love, you aren't wrong, but the kind of love you're imagining may be skewed by worldly influence. You know what? Let's start at the beginning, the very beginning, before mankind.

The Alpha and Omega: Even before the Father spoke to the Son about making people in Their image and the Holy Spirit hovered above a formless Earth, God has existed in three. No doubt, in making us in Their image, They also made us need one another. However, since we're imperfect, we're also great at fighting that fact. We pride ourselves for independence and pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.

"Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." Genesis 2:22-24

One flesh. They aren't even two beings living their lives together because that could be a simple friendship. Marriage is two becoming one. Ideally, they are a unit, moving in tandem toward a single goal. I say ideally because we're still imperfect, and therefore, everything we do is too.

“'Haven’t you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.'" Matthew 19:4-6

Marriage is so unlike humanity, isn't it? Throughout our history, we've been on the move from country to country, changing our society, our customs, our language, our technology, and our very principles. We're never satisfied for long, and if left to our own devices, we go in circles from generation to generation, forever changing, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. That "let no one separate" imparts a sense of permanency very rare in the world.

"For I am the Lord, I change not..." Malachi 3:6

"Unlike them, He never changes or casts shifting shadows." James 1:17

That is why He's our rock. We desperately need a solid place to hold onto in the moving sands of humanity. This sense of unity, unchanging loyalty, and inseparable love is what the Trinity wants His children to joyfully experience. Marriage is a symbol of the Trinity, born from His own state of existence.

This is a great place to mention divorce. Divorce is technically never good. The separation of any part of the Trinity is impossible, so any parting from that permanence and unity of that Godly love is not good. It'd be great if we could just never be harmful or abusive to one another and if loyalty and trust were forever for all marriages. This isn't so. God would never want you to stay in a harmful environment. If you or your children are being abused in any way, separate yourselves from that evil. God is love, and He loves you. Besides separating from an abusive situation, the hard truth is that God only permits actual divorce in one situation:

"Jesus answered, “It was because of your hardness of heart that Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but it was not this way from the beginning. Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.”His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.”“Not everyone can accept this word,” Jesus answered, “but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.'" Matthew 19:8-12

To me, He is essentially stating that, unless your spouse cheats, your "divorce" will potentially drive them to another partner (as we are all driven to companionship). Since God isn't recognizing it as a true divorce, you potentially caused them to cheat on you. Also, you're cheating on them if you move on. This is not to say you're sinning forever. Once you're married again, if you follow God's ways on marriage with the new relationship, you are forgiven (as you always can be). Even Jesus' disciples were shocked by this declaration, and Jesus basically told them if they didn't like it, then they didn't have to get married.

Marriage is not for everyone. Paul attested to the beauty of being a single follower of Christ in 1 Corinthians 7:7. Jesus said being unmarried in a good thing for some in Matthew 19:11. You can still get a sense of a Godly, solid partnership if use the same concept of the Trinity in other close relationships, particularly with believers.

As mentioned in the last post, submission also holds a large part in the structure of marriage, as it does in the Trinity. Marriage reflects, like a mirror, the Father (husband), the Son (wife), and the Holy Spirit (children). Submission is simply an act of servitude to others that all should follow, whether in authority or not. It's an act of love and respect. Jesus is in submission to the Father, and the Holy Spirit is in submission to both. The Father, in turn, serves the other two in equal respect.

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33

If you confused or angered by the idea of submission, please read my last post on submission, just for clarification on the subject. Even better, read the Bible, and study the relationship of the Trinity. It's all good, and so submission and marriage is intended to be. In the above verse, the husband is to be held to the highest standard as he reflects the nature of the Father in the relationship, and as the Father utterly loves Jesus, so too should a husband act out of complete love for his wife.

Notice that Paul mentioned that marriage also reflects the hierarchy of love, submission, respect, and partnership of God and His people. A husband (whether or not the wife successfully serves him) is to nourish and sustain his wife in such a way that she thrives. A powerful woman is an asset and testament to a powerful man. In return (whether or not the husband successfully serves her), a wife is to be respectful to her husband, supporting him emotionally and spiritually. They are one, and if one falls, so too does the other.

If the partners and the good Lord decide that children are in their marriage plans, those children are Biblically called to be submissive to their parents (as is the Holy Spirit), serving in love and respect. In return, the parents need to act in love and respect as their authority figures while guiding their children's actions.

This all may seem obvious and maybe a bit repetitive. I'm only mentioning these things because we're all confused at times by life (I know I am), and we can get tangled in the mass of worldly marriage-how-to books and growing-children manuals. If you're ever in a situation where you don't know how to act with your partner or your child, remember the Trinity. You may be surprised how helpful that imagery is. God created it that way, after all.

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Okay, so there's more I want to say on marriage because there's so much more to it within the Bible. I'm not sure if it'll be my next post or not. Thank you for reading my blog! I have more in store for you next Saturday.

The Christian Dirty Word - Submission

Even among many Christians, this Biblical word is cringe-worthy, anxiety-inducing, and angering: submission. In the good US of A, where we pride ourselves on independence and rebellion, the word conjures an idea of cowering in the face of authority and accepting our fate. For women and feminists everywhere, the word brings to mind The Stepford Wives and living solely for our men's comfort and praise, pretending to be lesser beings.

Yet, invariably, although we may try to avoid it, someone will bring up this verse, usually twisting it for whatever purpose or point they're trying to make:

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-33

We're lucky if they even mention that the verse afterwards is all about husbands loving their wives. Most of us hang, as if to a life raft, struggling to explain it's not what they think, trying to keep our heads above the water before we drown in their disgust at our beliefs.

How about this verse?

"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." Romans 13:1

How can you be a feminist if you believe in the same Bible that tells us women to subjugate ourselves to even abusive men? How do you reconcile being a patriotic American and also a doormat to corrupt leaders?

You can't, and you don't. Submission doesn't mean those things. Let's see what it means to God and His followers who wrote those words.

If anyone could be called a rebel against corrupt leaders, it would be God. If anyone could be called a feminist, it would be God. How do I know?

In the book of Exodus, God poured down wrath on a pharaoh who enslaved His people. In the book of Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzar and King Darius of Mede did many evil things to his subjects, but Daniel and his friends refused to compromise to their demands on matters of faith, refusing their food and refusing to bow down and worship a human. Jesus stormed into the temple courtyard, yelling, overturning tables, and driving people out with a whip because of greedy and hypocritical leaders. He stood up in innumerable public places and risked his life to teach radical ideas that ran counter to what religious and political leaders were teaching. He rebuked and challenged those leaders to their faces.

As concerns both the power of a female and facing a corrupt authority figure, consider the story of Esther. She became the wife of King Ahasuerus and queen of Persia. Secretly, she was a Jew, and she found out the king was to kill her people. There was a law that anyone who came before the king unbidden would be instantly killed. She wasn't bidden, but she came into his presence anyway to petition him for her people, thus becoming their hero at risk of her life.

Jesus had twelve main disciples, but many, many more followed his footsteps, including women. In His time, men were the only accepted students of Rabbis. However, Jesus taught women and accepted them in His travelling group of discipleship.

The stories of standing against corruption in leadership and illuminating the power of God's female followers are many if you take the time to find them.

Then, what on Earth does God mean when He says we must submit? I'll tell you that it doesn't mean what the world means by submit. The world is overrun by corruption, power-hungry authorities, and people of all kinds who will run you over if you display any weakness.

God is certainly not a doormat, so if He wants you to be just like Him, do you think He's asking you to be one?

So, what is submission to God? When in doubt, check out Jesus' actions:

"But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:44-45

A servant puts others before him/herself and respects those around them. Jesus displayed this when He washed His disciples' feet, an action only done by inferiors, not figures of authority.

"When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. 'Do you understand what I have done for you?' he asked them. 'You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.'" John 13:12-17

Do you understand? He expressed, with his actions, how to be submissive. It's interesting to note that submission shouldn't only come from inferiors but from leaders as well. Here's another verse:

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last." Matthew 20:16

As followers or "inferiors" must submit to authority, authority figures must serve those below them. When you refuse to submit, to serve each other, as if you were above it all, you make yourself more inferior than anyone actually considered below you. This is not the worldly view nor is it the view the world wishes you to see God.

Okay, so what about women submitting to their husbands? I believe it is the same in many ways. Both spouses should submit to one another in the sense that they serve one another. Otherwise, as the authority figure in the household (Yes, the husband is indeed considered the authority in the hierarchy of a marriage. Hang with me for a moment.), the husband is not a good leader if he doesn't know how to submit (see Jesus' quote above about first being last). As concerns a man's authority in a marriage, the institution of marriage is a God-created relationship. As humans, we are transient, easily straying, very distractible creatures. Marriage and family is a symbol of the trinity, the unity of the Father (husband), the Son (wife), and the Holy Spirit (children). As such, there is a component of hierarchy, but it means to portray the unity and inseparableness of the relationship of God, born in love and respect.

Let me add this as I feel compelled: The Father would never abuse Jesus nor the Holy Spirit. He is Love. A husband is supposed to be walking in the footsteps of Jesus in this respect. If a husband is abusive, the entire unit breaks down. Jesus died so we could live and lived so we could thrive in joy and freedom. I am under the strong belief that God would not want anyone to stay within a harmful environment. You can be respectful but strong, loving but leaving, forgiving but not forgetting. God loves you.

To submit to authority of any kind, you must understand that the ultimate authority is God. If any authority figure of any kind wishes for you to compromise your relationship with God, you are not only encouraged, you are under obligation to not obey or comply. As shown in the examples above and throughout the Bible, you are a servant to the King of Kings before all else. All of God's children in the Bible and history in general refused to compromise their submission to Him.

So, to wrap up, submission is all about love, honor, respect, and living as Jesus would. God was never a doormat nor was he a woman-hater. Jesus is a rebel against all corruption even if it came from authority figures, protesting in love while remaining loud and strong. He is a true feminist. Although God has had to spread His message in many clearly anti-feminist environments (in the past and present), His message has always been empowering to women. Women was, is, and has always been considered equal to men in value. Don't mix up the world's message with God's.


I initially planned to write a post about feminism and another separate one about marriage. However, I had to first write this one as confusion reigns when it comes to the concept of submission, and that concept is tied to both of those subjects. Stay tuned!

Fall Together

"Don't look for Love. Quietly give it away and wait for it to come back."


Sometimes, this world wants us to think about ourselves. What I deserve, what I need, what I want, I I I... Of course, even I don't always know what I deserve, need or want. There are situations and seasons in time when going away is better than staying. There are also situations and seasons in time when staying is better than going away. When we stay, we must remember to return to God, to turn to what HE wants us to think.


He, the silent observer, creator of our world and destiny, pushes a chess piece across the board of life. This is more than a game, and He treats it with much seriousness. Our lives are made of fragments of time and minute strategic movements we don't always understand.


I deserve nothing because I am entitled to nothing. I am nothing without Him. However, I am everything WITH HIM. I smile at the sunset not because I possess it. I smile because the One who spins the stars is in control. He gives me everything I have, and nothing is actually mine. I am simply a steward of his gifts.


I need nothing because I have everything with Him. He who formed my body from the dust and warm winds knows what I need. If He so deemed it, I could survive without food, drink, or breath in my lungs. If He so deemed it, I could die any moment even with such life-sustaining minutia. I am at His mercy, and thankfully, His mercy is great whether I live or die.


I want nothing because, again, I have everything with Him. I may desire many things, but He gives me greater than I ever imagined because He knows me better than I know myself. He who knows the number of hairs on my head and can count the dust motes that exist from one end of the Universe to the other. Is it not wonderful then that His love for me is infinite, and He wants the best for me?


So, while I stay, I wait on Him. It'll save a lot of wasted time. While I wait on Love, I also wait on Him as He is love. I shall become love because I am His child, a Princess of Hearts, a Queen of Life, a Royal soldier to the One True King. He sustains, He provides, He fulfills. As I wait, He teaches me about Himself, shows me what Love is. He tells me to give it away and wait for it to return.